A Mermaid's Tale about A Brighter Future's Lunch
A Day of Hope, A Life of Empowerment
There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they’re falling in. Bishop Desmond Tutu
Hey Friend,
Coming to you from the most mermaidy place I know, Dana Point in Southern California. We stay here often and love the views, the feel, the people, the dogs, the food. The vibe.
First, thank you. For reading, for your follows, for your pledges, for your encouragement, for you. I love you, and I appreciate the beauty you bring to the world. I am so touched you recognize mine.
Now, back to last week’s story. I often ask myself how I could have fallen in the river. For one, I’m a great swimmer. For two, I’m strong, fiercely independent, intelligent, a warrior. And yet, there I was, struggling to survive with what felt like nobody around to help pull me out.
Ken and I had been married for a year when I got pregnant. I knew I was pregnant the morning after it happened. We were celebrating our one year anniversary at The Commack Country Inn with its heart-shaped tubs on Long Island, New York. It had been a rocky year, and I was pretty shocked we’d made it. Divorce was something I wanted to avoid at all costs. My mom had been divorced when I was 6, again when I was 11, and had several boyfriends in and out after that. I didn’t like it, and I certainly did not want to copy that. Though this is far from my current truth, at that time I was very involved in a church that told me divorce was wrong and I was to do what my husband said. The church can be a misogynistic co-conspirator with abusers in this way.
That snowy night at the Commack Country Inn, I had a dream. I dreamed I had a son and he was smiling at me as we played under a rainbow. It was a Big Dream, one that I knew was very significant. When we returned to California, I immediately began gathering baby clothes in blue.
Shortly after, problems with cheating and drinking began to escalate. These two players had always been in the room, but the incidents became more frequent and more severe. Notes would appear on our West LA apartment door after a particularly violent night from downstairs neighbors that said, “If the violence from last night repeats, I will call the police.” I wondered why she hadn’t and wished she would have.
More than once, I had to leave with only the clothes on my back in the middle of the night. I would go stay in a secret hotel until he calmed down. One of those hotels was the Seahorse Motel in Manhattan Beach right down the street from a school where I would eventually teach 2nd grade. I asked for a room on the third floor so I could watch out the window in case he followed me. That way, I would have enough time to call the police.
I was worried about my pregnancy. I was terrified of leaving, of what he’d do. He had threatened to kill me if I left. He had threatened to kill himself. Yet, it was clear if I stayed, it would not be good for anyone. Ken had the habit of disappearing for days, so the next time he did, I found the strength and money to find my own apartment. During my entire pregnancy he kept saying the baby wasn’t his. He would not be responsible. The baby obviously was his. Still, the relationship was too volatile and I could do this alone. I had to do it alone. It was getting closer, and I wanted to make a perfect space for our new future.
To be continued.
Where in the world is the mermaid?
Newport Beach, California and Dana Point, the most mermaidy town I know
The Brighter Futures Luncheon
Re-imagining my early dating and marriage years is something I think about. How does a young person with poor relationship examples create a healthy relationship? How do we break those cycles when there aren’t teachers? When I was young, it was trial and error with no additional guidance. I lived in a small, rural, poor town where everyone I knew was either divorced or cheating. Even though I didn’t like that, it felt normal.
When I first became aware Laura’s House was putting on the Brighter Futures Lunch, I was intimidated by the spectacular tables I saw in the promo pieces. I’m not sure why I focused on that, or if that’s really what was going on. As I struck up a friendship with another volunteer and fellow survivor, Debbie, she said “Oh no. Hard yes! Come to the lunch. Sign up today.”
So I did. I put Debbie down as my table mate. An introvert, I don’t love these big events, but this would be worth it. As we got closer, I started to realize perhaps my hesitation had more to do with the pain of those early years. I hadn’t planned on adding my story to this Substack, but Spirit had another plan. My plan was just to tell you about cool places to go and what it’s like to live like modern gypsies with a large dog. Spirit’s plan had a wider view.
I walked into the event early and saw these paintings. When people come to Laura’s House for help, their children are also cared for there. Sometimes they paint, and these paintings that lined the hallways were by them. I found the imagery fascinating, especially the butterfly in half day and half night.
The theme of the program was educating teens about healthy relationships so they can break the cycles of violence. Laura’s House partners with the local schools, goes into the classrooms, and teaches the students to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy relationships. One point I found fascinating was that many of the teens did not realize they were in violent relationships because violence is so common place amongst the teens, in the pop culture they watch, listen to, and follow on social media. The questions needed to be switched around to get more clarity. For example, “have you ever been in a violent relationship?” needed to be replaced with “have you ever been shoved up against a locker?” and more specific questions like that. As this is the time patterns started with me, I am excited to serve in those classroom discussions.
Top MUST TRY places in…
Dana Point, California
Coastal Kitchen - This a regular family fave. The smoked trout dip, Ahi, and butter cake are stand out items. Doesn’t it look like my Ahi is smiling at me?
Bear Coast Coffee - We love the vibe and the coffee. Favorite spot in town. There are two locations, but we like the one at 34201, Street of the Amber Lantern. There is great outdoor seating, lots of dogs, lots of friendly people, and the best matcha latte.
Cinepolis Luxury Cinema - Dine-In theater with the world’s best popcorn. They even sell it on Uber Eats it’s so popular.
Gallery Dana Bay - We love this place! They have on display the Elephant Parade, an international social enterprise showcasing the world’s largest art exhibition of hand-painted elephant statues.
Monarch Veterinary Clinic - Dr. Craft has become our main centralized vet. He’s the get-down on the floor kind of vet we love for Kai.
Through Kai’s Eyes
One of my biggest joys and when people make google eyes at me and want to give me kisses. They kneel down and I know we are going to have a moment. I don’t know if they do that to all the dogs, but they do it to me all the time. Then, they start telling stories about their dogs, current and past, and sometimes they get tears in their throats because their best friends have recently passed. I just sit there next to them and let them pet my head while they tell their stories. Mom and Dad call me a grief dog because of how frequently this happens. I’m glad I can help. It’s the best kind of service I can imagine giving. They always seem to feel better when we wave goodbye.
Mystical Mermaid Musings: Diving Deeper Into You
I’m always puzzled when I find someone who knows nothing about their own astrology, and then I remember that the church often tells people astrology isn’t okay, and newspaper horoscopes reduce it down to silly recipes. The truth is astrology can be such an important tool for understanding our strengths and weaknesses (natal charts), how they fit with others strengths and weaknesses (synastry charts), and how they fit with what is currently going on (solar progression charts.) I’m not an astrologer, but I definitely consult one around my birthday to see where my energies are moving and how best to use them in the upcoming year/s. When I mentor someone, they frequently have no idea about their natal chart so I point them in the direction for free astrology tools. Both knowing your natal chart, and how you mesh with a partner or friend (synastry chart) are really valuable things to know, and this place makes that easy.
What Stories?
The Resident
We’re late to the party, but have really grown to like the cast of characters. We also feel like we’re getting a medical education. I now know what a Whipple is for example. And I question whether my C-Section at 23 was necessary or I was being taken advantage as a young, naive, single mom. After all, C-Sections are way more profitable than vaginal births. There is so much content out there that when you have 6 seasons like with this story, we can always count on an episode with our friends in the hospital to be there for us, and teach us a little along the way.
What’s next?
“The Mermaid Convention” in Rancho Cordova (nowhere near the ocean). I will be diving in with Sadie!
Have a great week! Oceans of Love! xo Jamie
That’s a hard story to relive! You are brave and you are encouraging the rest of us to face our stories 🤗💜💗
Thank you so much for continuing to share your story. I'm so glad it (eventually) has a happy ending ❤️