A Mermaid's Tale about "A Mermaid's Tale"
Where in the world are you and why?
Hey Friend,
When I was in college I fell deeply in love with a man who hurt me. Not only did he hurt me emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and financially, but he also hurt me physically. I learned how to get restraining orders, and I learned that they don’t always work. I thought at times he would kill me. He threatened that often. He was escorted out of my job at a Los Angeles law firm by police officers when he came to kill me at my job. At least he called first.
You would never suspect him of violence. He was extremely charming, hilarious, handsome, and intelligent. He had many gifts and talents. He could convince anyone of anything. He made me feel protected. I met him when he was a campus security officer on our college campus. From the time he helped me escape an awkward fraternity encounter, we were inseparable and dated through all four years at UCLA. To be clear, he was dating others, too, but as far as I knew, we were exclusive and deeply in love.
On winter break in my fourth year, we got married. The setting was breathtaking. It was during a December sunset at Yamashiro’s Japanese garden in Hollywood, California, just up the hill from the Magic Castle. From that place in the Hollywood Hills, the lights turn on across LA in a magical way, and made me feel like a princess in a fairytale finally getting my happy ending. Having had a chaotic childhood, getting married and having a baby was all I’d ever wanted. I wanted to create my own family and provide them everything I didn’t have in my early life. At that moment, that dream felt very much in reach.
After the ceremony, over teriyaki chicken in the beautiful koi-filled garden, he leaned over and said, “During the lighting of the unity candle, I imagined what it would be like if I lit your veil on fire. How long would it take you to burn?” He laughed, and took a bite of chicken. I sat there shocked, nauseous. He followed it with “Oh lighten up. You know I’m kidding.”
See that’s the thing about abusers. They gaslight. They do something abusive, aggressive, offensive and then when you react in a warranted way with your feelings, they raise the stakes. They blame you because of the way you reacted, and justify their next action based on your reaction to the first messed up thing. And on it goes.
But I didn’t know that then. When I look back now at beach pictures he used to pose me for down in Venice, California, I see all the signs. Hold your head down. Hide your face in the shadows. Look away from the camera. Bury your foot in the sand. Sink. Sink. Sink. The arc of the story is all there in the always black and white pictures. I just didn’t have the eyes to see it.
What does this backstory have to do with mermaids and “A Mermaid’s Tale?” Everything. My heart right now wants those who feel trapped to feel un-trapped, to feel empowered. For those who feel alone to feel less alone. My focus is on freedom, fun, and helping each person to see their own unique beauty while allowing my own to rise to the surface. My goal is to share both stories from then and from now as Spirit doles them out. I don’t know what will come until it comes, but I know it’s meant to be there. I want to make us conscious of the cages we find ourselves in, and show that breaking out is not only possible, it’s what we are meant to do.
If you’re a follower from way back, I’ve missed you. Thank you for your loyalty. If you’re new, I’m so grateful you found me. Fun is one of my top core values, and we are going to have some fun adventures together traveling through the hallways of life.
While I’ve been a published writer of nearly every type of genre for 53 years, bloggy writing has always been my fave. I think I read too much James Joyce in college and all I want to do is just write one very long sentence with no filter. This is kind of that for me. It allows me to really open up to the meta (not that Meta) and ask this question: what words can I offer right now out of my little finger tips that will inspire, amuse, teach, empower, provoke my reader in a way that will leave them better for reading my words. I always ask some version of that when I sit down to write. And over the years I have had so many readers tell me I wrote exactly what they needed to hear that day so I feel confident enough it works to keep it up. Some magical swirly alchemy happens when I don’t over logic the flow and that makes my heart smile. I write for me, but I also very much write for you. Better put, I write for “we.”
So why “A Mermaid’s Tale” and why this Substack thing and not the ole familiar? I love to learn, and I want to have fun doing it. Diving into the new platform ticks those boxes. The other part of Substack that I like is the potential down the road to sustain my writing while supporting a cause close to my heart: advocacy and education around domestic violence. That give-back is very important to me. As a survivor with very little resources when I needed them, I know first-hand the importance of nonprofits in this area. I am certified to volunteer in Domestic Violence shelters in California and have fallen in love with a particular shelter in Southern California named Laura’s House. When/If I get to the point of toggling that pay button on this now free Substack, 10% of those funds will go to Laura’s House. If you’re in line with my mission, and you want to support me in that direction, I’d be honored. You can do that by “pledging” your support today. You won’t be charged unless and until I feel it’s time to flip the switch. But for now, this space will be 100% free and filled with stories, tips, and local recs from our bougie hippy gap year/s with our now-91 pound Labrador, Kai.
The other part of the question: why the title “A Mermaid’s Tale?” I have identified as a mermaid since I was a young child swimming in my backyard above-ground pool in rural Northern California. I would pretend it was a mystical grotto with caves and pirate ships. I would place those cheap blow-up air mattresses against the pool edge to create caves. I’d spend the day there diving for treasure until my blonde hair turned green. I’d tie my legs together to make a tail. I taught myself how to swim with only my arms and would keep my hair long so it would look mermaidy in the sunlight. The peace I felt there was magical and got me through a turbulent high-ACES childhood. (ACES: Adverse Childhood Experiences Score.) We also had magic shows near the mermaid pool. Here’s my fellow mermaid best friend Laurie and I preparing for our performance on stage.
As I aged, I lost touch with that inner mermaid. Life waters got rough, and I often felt like I was being pulled down by sneaky rip tides with no escape strategy. In my early adulthood, when I discovered the ocean, I remembered my early underwater kingdom. I felt my inner mermaid resurface. When I was away from the ocean and landlocked, I felt miserable. The ocean always called me back.
Now, at 60, my mermaid has fully activated. I spend lots of time near the ocean, marinas, and harbors walking around boats. I like to play the game “what would you name your boat if you had one?” My boat would be “A Mermaid’s Tale” and since I don’t have a boat, that’s what I named this Substack. Brilliant, right?
Now to the travel log. You may or may not know that 15 months ago my husband and I put all our stuff in storage, sold our Northern California home, and decided we would intentionally not buy or rent a home for at least a year. Instead, we would travel full time while our bodies were strong and able. Most people assume we’re retired. We aren’t. Both Mike and I own our own companies and have worked at home for many decades before Covid had our global family sheltering in place.
Next, people assume we have an RV. We don’t. We aren’t RV people, and neither of us wanted to become them. We decided we would do sort of a hybrid immersion travel/ regular travel kind of combo pack. One of the sections at the end of this newsletter will be “Where in the world is the mermaid?” and that will summarize our current living sich and musings thereon. When we go overseas or on a plane, Kai stays with his nanny Cathy in Northern California. He’s done that since he was a pup, and he looks forward to his time with her. We are so grateful.
As I mentioned, we’re in month 13 and are loving this outside-the-box Imrama. It’s a soul journey and we are the growth warriors taking it. Learning about a community is hard to accomplish in a few weeks so we are grateful to have more space to do that. When we stay in an area for a month or longer, we start to understand the people, the culture, what it’s like to live in that space. We make friends. I usually join a gym, or a yoga studio, or something a local would do. We develop a routine. We go to the movies and find favorite restaurants. In some places, I do community service. We also do touristy things at times. We aren’t distracted by long term issues that come with home ownership, including property taxes, regular upkeep costs, overstuffing our closets/pantry/attic and so on. We do miss having a home base at times and tend to love those longer stays because we don’t have to unpack and pack for a string of days.
At some point, we will wrap up our gap year(s) and settle down, but in the meantime, my plan is to chronicle insights, tips, and some potential itineraries along the way. I’m a big spa girl so I will most likely take you there with me, too. (I started a separate spa blog at one point which I thought would be super helpful for people, but it kept being hacked by the wrong kind of spa folks so I may need to put said spa notes behind a pay wall. We’ll see how it evolves.)
That brings you current. While I would love to go back and cover trips to Canada, Japan, India, Costa Rica, and up and down the West Coast a gazillion times, I’m going to start instead where we are now: The Mermaid House.
Oceans of Love,
xo Jamie
Where in the world is the mermaid?
As I type this, I am in Long Beach, California at what I dubbed The Mermaid House because it sits in the Long Beach Keys surrounded by water. On the balcony, we are 50 feet from emerald green ocean water where very large jellyfish come and go as the tide rises and falls. I have never felt more connected to the tide cycles. Seagull songs run throughout the day, and we leave the slider open to feel the sea breeze fill the room. I originally found The Mermaid House on Airbnb when Langston (grandson original) was due because it was near my oldest son and his wife. By the time Lang was born, however, they had moved to a different part of town, and I was in The Mermaid House a ways away and alone for several weeks. That’s when I fell in love. The peace of the place, the full moonlight on the ocean at night, the singing from across the water at Jade, a karaoke place with lots of enthusiastic tryers. We have since returned again and again and all really love the space and the community.
We walk everywhere. To coffee, around the boats, to the grocery store, to an excellent Farmers’ Market on Sundays. We even have a new wagon so we can bring back the fantastic local products. We also walk to Starbucks, Gelson’s, Whole Foods, Barnes & Noble, the gym, the movies. We go for 4 or 5 days without getting in a car.
We arrived April 1st and are here until mid-May. The day we got here the baristas at the local Café Luxxe made us feel so good because they were so happy to see us. Luxxe is the best place ever and we have grown to feel such a sense of community there. At the local gym I joined, I’ve made several new friends which I always love. I have had to find a dentist, a hair stylist, a vet, a nail tech. Last night on our way to dinner, a young man said “Please, come try my restaurant. If you don’t like it, it’s free,” and shuttled us into a new place on 2nd Street called Galata, possibly the best Turkish food I’ve ever eaten. They kept bringing us delicious things. We were not able to leave until we tried both the Pomegranate and the Apple Tea with our Turkish Delight. We’re pescatarians and there were so many options. Falafel wraps and hummus were miles beyond delicious. They were so eager to please and backed up their hustle to get us in with an amazing all-around experience. That’s kind of the vibe of this sub-culture here in this area of Long Beach, and we come back for it again and again.
Top MUST TRY places in…
Long Beach, California - 2nd & PCH area
The vibe is laid back, and going out make up free and casual always feels right. It’s all about the boats, the water, healthy living, and really, really good food.
Café Luxxe – for the best coffee in the world, and the most wonderful baristas you’ll ever find. Tell them Kai sent you.
AMC Cinema in Pacific Marina Mall – Hands down our favorite AMC anywhere!
Gelson’s – Such a great prepared food section in this Gelson’s.
Whole Foods – An extensive salad bar, hot bar, and several FREE EV chargers!
Sushi AI – On 2nd Street, this has been our go-to this trip because (1) they have a dog-friendly patio for Kai and (2) they have the best spicy tuna on crispy rice we’ve ever eaten. Chirashi is amazing, too.
Galata – a new Turkish Restaurant on 2nd Street with a Turkish ice cream shop right next door. Same owners, and they are just wonderful. Get the pomegranate tea!
Anchors Away – Super fun afternoon to take a duffy boat out for a couple hours and ride through the canals. You feel like you’re in a foreign land.
NOW – Day Spa at 2nd & PCH mall. Think Hand & Stone, Milk & Honey style where you can get in quickly for a good, Western style massage in a peaceful vibe. Membership available. I like Alisha.
Long Beach Nails and Spa – By Trader Joe’s near PCH & 2nd. Ask for Cindy. She’s very detail-oriented which I love in a nail tech.
Studio O Hair Salon – Again, on 2nd Street. Steven was so good with my blonde hair, I made three subsequent appointments to return for the next time we return.
Dodd’s Dental – Same building as Studio O. Free covered parking behind building. Dr. Dodd is gentle, kind, with small fingers. Perfect. I’ve gone to see her several times while in town with annoying teeth issues. Highly recommend.
Belmont Shores Vet Hospital – On PCH, Dr. Peters has become a regular while we’re in town. On this trip, she’s been so helpful problem solving with Kai. She even calls us unsolicited to check how it’s going. We’ve never received such a kind gesture from any other vet anywhere.
Through Kai’s Eyes
My mom and dad talk too much about my poop. It’s crazy. I have doctors in all the towns we visit, but the Long Beach doctor is trying to fix this thing that happened when the Manhattan Beach doctor pulled my broken tooth and gave me woozy drugs to heal. That’s when it all started. Those “cheese balls” messed up my “biome.” We all have to go out together to special spaces to group poop, and mom and dad sing me the poop song which is pretty embarrassing honestly. They seem to like it, though, so I play along and go quickly so they’ll stop singing before the other dogs hear. Now, all my snacks have been cut out until the problem is resolved. It’s awful. No morning blueberries, no bananas. No pumpkin bars, no sourdough dog treats from the Farmers’ Market. Sigh. I hope this Long Beach doctor knows what she’s doing so mom can stop taking pictures of my poop on her phone and I can get back to snacks. I miss snacks.
Mystical Mermaid Musings: Diving Deeper Into You
Each of us is here on this earth with a unique purpose that only we can play out. We have so many tools to figure out what the role is, and how it plays into the fabric of the Universe. When that crystallizes, and we are playing the role we were cast to play, we are at our happiest. We are in flow. Still, life can be a Whac-A-Mole game of getting there, staying there, and it’s easy to spend our time resisting, Plus, that role takes on new nuances, and we need to evolve with it.
One of the tools I love for getting clear on this purpose and all its variants is the Meyers Brigg Personality Test (MBTI). Anyone can take this free online. I am an INFJ-A type: Introversion/Intuition/Feeling/Judge/Advocate type. I’ve learned this is the rarest personality type, and challenging for others who aren’t that type to understand. Knowing that helped me understand people’s reactions to me better, and mine to them. It helped me understand my “mermaidness.” While I can act extroverted, I don’t get charged up by being around people. I get drained. I need to be by myself to recharge. Knowing that about myself helps determine when I say yes and when I say no. It also helps me understand the intersectionality of fierce independence and a desire for consistent one-on-one companionship which has always been in the room.
What is your personality type? When you find out I bet you can find a shocking amount of YouTube videos that explain more. Ask me how I know. I hope you will share what you learn with me in the comments. I’m eager to know.
What Stories Tonight?
This is our nightly question. We start asking it as early as morning coffee. Mike and I have been friends for 41 years, dated for 30 years, married for 27 this June. Our very first date we went to dinner at Johnny Rockets and to see “What’s Wrong with Gilbert Grape?” at the Santa Monica Promenade. I remember Mike reaching over for my hand and caressing my forearm while we stepped into the world of story together. We still do that. I have loved film from the time I was 16 and worked at the Gateway Cinema in Anderson, California. But I love it even more sharing that with him and talking about it after. To this day, we go to weekly movies out and watch our stories most nights. Stories help us understand ourselves and the world. Some nights, I barely make it through one, but it doesn’t stop me from making our story plan the next night. We always have a running list and five in the immediate cue. Here is our current top story.
Baby Reindeer
Wow. True story? Yikes! The writing on this one is crazy good. Not for the feint, though. There are some hard, triggering scenes on sexual abuse, violence, and stalking. I appreciated the writer element and how more experienced writers sometimes treat less experienced writers. That hit home. They do an amazing job with unravelling the layers of male-to-male sexual abuse and the confusing complexity of feelings that come along with that. I don’t remember seeing that done as well as it’s done here. Sure, stalking too, but we had “You” for that. This slant is different here, less humor to soften the blow. More raw emotion. AND IT’S A TRUE STORY! As both my YA novels are inspired by true stories, it might be obvious I’m a fan of this line of storytelling. We couldn’t take more than two episodes at a time on this one, but we did get through the short 7-episode trial series in consecutive nights. Definitely addictive, and now #1 on Netflix as I type.
What’s next?
Stories from A Brighter Future Event and The Mermaid Convention coming soon! Can you even believe that’s a thing and that I’m going? To both?
Did you read all the way to the end? I just love you. Please like, subscribe, share, and pledge if you like what I’m doing here. It motivates me to keep going. XO J
It’s wonderful to hear your voice again Jamie—and to catch up with your current ‘life’. 🧜🏽♀️
Thank you so much for sharing your story of abuse, and using it to help others. I'm looking forward to reading more!